


I Chose You

by alex4968



Category: One Direction
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-08
Updated: 2016-12-08
Packaged: 2018-09-07 05:38:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8785243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alex4968/pseuds/alex4968
Summary: When he wakes up, the room is much brighter than when he’d fallen asleep. He has to blink the sleep from his eyes and eventually he just tosses an arm over his face to try and ignore the brightness, but then he realizes that the bed has a decent sized dent in it that forms perfectly to his body and he’s comfortable. It’s – weird. He can’t remember leaving the blinds open, and it wouldn’t have made much sense for Zayn to have opened them, either, but he doesn’t think about it. Maybe he just hadn’t realized that he’d had such a nice bed when he’d fallen asleep.After a moment, he groans and takes his arm away from his eyes and – wait. This is – this is not his hotel room. This is a bedroom.[Or: Louis wakes up in another life.]





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nowhere_blake](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nowhere_blake/gifts).



> Oh Man. This was so fun to write and I'm really, really in love with this! I'm really sorry if this isn't exactly what you were thinking when you created the prompt, because I tend to kind of just run away with my prompts a little bit, but I hope that you still enjoy it! Whenever there's a + that signifies that Louis has ... swapped. I don't want to spoil anything, so, it'll make a little more sense when you read it, I hope. 
> 
> It's not much of a romcom like I intended for it to be, but I don't think romcom is quite the genre I'm ever going to be able to write :(
> 
> Also a shoutout to Kez for creating this challenge because it's super fun and cute and also my first actual fic exchange I've participated in, so I'm pretty happy with that! Like all my work, this is unbeta'd and all mistakes are my own. Anyway, I hope anyone who's reading enjoys and Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas :)

** December 23rd, 2016 **

For the first time in four years of touring the world and being the world-famous superstars that they’ve become, Simon has finally given them a week off for Christmas. They’re in LA, still finishing up the American leg of their tour, so they don’t get to go home, but it’s still better than nothing. He’s more than happy to be able to lounge around a hotel room and sip his tea and just catch up on some much needed sleep.

It’s not that he doesn’t love touring – he really, really does – but sometimes, in moments like this, he wonders what his life would have been like if he would have really been sent home that day on the X-Factor. He really had no idea what he wanted to do with his life before then – perhaps he would have made it into the nationals with footie or maybe he would have – well, he doesn’t know. It’s not like it matters, but the thought comes into his brain every once and a while.

He and Zayn are sharing a room this go around – since Simon has been more on his and Harry’s cases about their _unprofessional closeness_ – but he doesn’t mind (too much). He and Harry really are just friends. Maybe they touch each other sometimes when they’re a little drunk or when they’re both a little lonely, but it’s never gone beyond that. Just because the two of them know that they can’t compromise their career for a crush. It’s a mutual understanding.

Well, it’s an understanding on Louis’ part, at least. Harry doesn’t even seem to have the same thoughts about him, it seems. They seem to just have a friendship thing going on.

But. It’s the second day that they’ve had time off, so he decides to run off to the shops so he can send some things back home, and of course get something for the boys like he does every year. They’ve always exchanged gifts – just little, pointless, inexpensive things – as tradition.  He texts Paul and lets him know that he needs to go shopping – and the response is immediate. He’s told no and that he should just shop online, but he’s never really liked to listen.

“Harry.” He says, walking into Harry and Niall’s room without knocking, as usual. “Come with me.” Harry looks up from his phone and immediately smiles.

“Where ya going?”

“Shopping for home.”

“Yeah – cool. I need to buy some stuff, too.” A pause, “Is Paul okay with it?”

“Nope.” Harry rolls his eyes and Louis just laughs. “But that’s what makes it fun anyway, yeah?”

“Of course.” Harry quickly agrees and it’s barely five miutes before the curly-haired boy is dressed and has his shoes on.

They run down the hall quickly and take the stairs down one floor to make sure Paul doesn’t see them waiting for the lift to come up to their floor. That would be the easiest way for them to get busted, since he does check the floor every ten or so minutes, just to make sure no one is up here who isn’t supposed to be. It’s another thing Louis is always grateful for, except when he’s trying to get out without being noticed.

They make it down to the eleventh floor free of Paul, giggling the entire way down, but Louis even more so when Harry nearly trips and they both stumble into the back of the door. Harry winds up with his hands on Louis’ hips when they catch themselves and his entire face turns red. Louis just teases him about it – to relieve some of the obvious tension floating in the air – and they’re off once again.

Louis opens the door to the hallway, and it’s empty as well, so they walk to the lift and press the _down_ button. “It’s so nice to have a little time off.” Harry says as they wait, voice echoing through the hallway.

“I know, right. I feel like I actually have a minute to breathe.”

“Right.”

“Sometimes, like, I wish I could just go home, you know? I mean – I love this job and I really love my life, but I’m kind of just tired of all the stress. I just want to be normal, for like a week. For one holiday or summat. Just have a real life.”

“Yeah. I wouldn’t give all of this up for anything, but even just one normal holiday would be wonderful.” The lift dings as soon as Harry finishes his sentence and they’re distracted from that topic as they get on. The rest of the ride is quiet, and Louis takes a moment to just think about the day and his life and all of the stress that this job really _is._ It’s like – it’s not that bad. He gets a thrill from performing and he loves spending time with his best friends. But every time he goes home, he doesn’t even recognize his little sisters. Only seeing them once a year makes it hard to really be able to keep up with all of their life changes and everything that they’re learning and going through.

He doesn’t like to dwell on these things, though.

 

When they walk through the shops, the two of them are approached by a short little santa-clause dressed man. “You want to make a wish for christmas?” Harry asks with a laugh. It’s supposed to be a joke, but, yeah. Louis _does._

“Yeah. C’mon, it’ll be fun.”

“All right.” Harry says with a grin. Some camera flashes go off from behind them, but Louis has grown really good at ignoring them. The two of them walk up to the santa and the man doesn’t even seem taken back by the fact that they’re standing there. It’s a refreshing difference.

“What would you two gentlemen like for Christmas?”

“I’d really like to just spend a bit of time with my family, I think.” Harry says and Louis nods in agreement.

“Just a bit of a normal life would be my off-the-wall wish, then. It would be nice.”

“Well, merry Christmas to the two of you, and I hope your dreams come true.” Louis smiles. It was, maybe, a bit pointless to go and tell a complete stranger, dressed up in a Santa Suit, his strange wish to _stop_ being famous, but it felt good to give it a try.

They stroll about the store for about three more hours, until Paul calls the both of them yelling and lecturing that they weren’t supposed to go out without him. It’s a rather abrupt end to a good day, but when they get back to the hotel, Louis is ready to package up the gifts he’d gotten for his family.

But when he walks into the room, Zayn’s sleeping on his bed, snoring loudly, so Louis decides he should probably get a little sleep, too. He promises himself that he’ll wrap up the presents and send them off with priority mail tomorrow morning. After all, a chance like this to just catch up on his sleep for an entire week is completely unheard of. He refuses to waste even a moment of it.

So, he walks over to the big, freshly made bed. He lands face down in the big, air-puffed pillows and lets his body melt into the softness of the mattress. Zayn’s snoring has long since stopped bothering him, so he drifts off to sleep within minutes.

 

+

 

When he wakes up, the room is much brighter than when he’d fallen asleep. A bright yellow refracts off of each of the walls and lights up the room far too well for Louis’ liking. He likes to sleep in – almost always – and he really can’t think about why the hell the room would be this bright. Hadn’t it been almost night time when he’d fallen asleep? Had he really slept through the entire night _and_ into the day?

He has to blink the sleep from his eyes and eventually he just tosses an arm over his face to try and ignore the brightness, but then he realizes that the bed has a decent sized dent in it that forms perfectly to his body and he’s comfortable. It’s – weird. He can’t remember leaving the blinds open, and it wouldn’t have made much sense for Zayn to have opened them, either, but he doesn’t think about it. Maybe he just hadn’t realized that he’d had such a nice ben when he’d fallen asleep.

After a moment, he groans and takes his arm away from his eyes and – wait. This is – this is _not_ his hotel room. This is a _bedroom._

A bedroom he does not remember falling asleep in at all, and it’s terrifying.

He swallows hard and stands up. His hands are shaking now, and as he walks more towards the door, it gets worse. He can’t remember going home with anyone – so the only explanation is that he was drugged.

 _Fuck._ He should have listened to Paul. He’d been warned not to go out by himself and this is the exact reason. He’d never really been any good at listening to directions and suddenly all he can feel is regret and fear bulding up in his chest.

He goes to the window for a moment and considers crawling out, but then finds he’s on the third story of a house – too far to jump and he’s smart enough to know he’ll die if he falls. So. That means he has to come up with a plan B and that idea is almost worse than falling to his death.

His heart is beating quickly when he steps out into the hallway – but then Harry runs right into him and makes a little squeak noise and Louis is even more confused. “Hey! Hey, sorry. I thought I’d let you sleep since you stayed up so late. Liv’s still sleeping – but do you remember where the train is? I cannot find it for the life of me!”

“Uhm –“

“Wait! It’s in the guest bedroom, innit? Sorry. Sorry.” Harry giggles – _giggles_ – but Louis is entirely lost. He has no idea where he is or what train Harry is talking about or even who this Liv is. He has to try and think for a moment, but then Harry kisses his cheek and – that’s new. He’s never – they’ve never really kissed or done anything couple-like when the both of them were sober. So, he’s confused beyond anything he’s ever felt before. First, he wakes up in a house he’s never seen before, and second he and Harry are suddenly showing affection with one another?

It’s weird, to say the least.

“Anyways – breakfast is almost done. I’ll be down in just a sec, kay?” He takes that as his chance to go downstairs and look around – to figure out what the hell is happening. How could he possibly have missed _this?_

“Kay.” Louis says, unsure what he’s supposed to say to Harry. Maybe this is just some kind of weird, elaborate practical joke. Had he gone too far with the boys to make them want to mess with his head this much? He wasn’t really sure – but he was going to play along. Maybe this would just get boring for them if they realized that he was not freaking out. Even if he was – well – he didn’t really want to give them that satisfaction.

So.

He walks down the hallway and finds the stairs that lead down to a rather large sitting room. It’s the second of three floors, with another set of stairs. He can’t really tell if they lead to a basement or not, but he’s not going to question it. Instead, he just goes down and looks around. It’s not a basement, but rather it seems to lead to the main family room.

There’s a telly and mugs littering the sitting tables beside the couch as well as three coloring books stacked on top of one another on the coffee table and a pacifier on top of them. “ _Daddy!”_ A small voice screams out and before he’s even aware of where it’s coming from, there’s a little girl attached to his leg.

He’s – _what?_

He doesn’t even know this girl’s name – and she’s calling him _daddy?_ This joke is something that must have taken _months_ to plan, and even then, he’s not sure how they got such a young kid to play along. He knows it’s not any of their younger siblings, because he’s met all of them. But – he’s still going to play along.

“Hi, sweetheart.” The words feel somewhat natural on his tongue, but he immediately puts it off to having helped raise all of his sisters. He’d called the youngest of them _sweetheart_ whenever they’d come crying to him if they had a nightmare. That had to be it. 

“Up.” She says. He picks her up easily, rests her weight against his hip like his mum taught him when he was first picking up Doris. But in that moment he chooses to look around. It’s – the living room is _stunning._ The walls are a light blue tinge and the fireplace is lit with a little gate around it (that he assumes is for the kid). There are pictures hung all over the walls, paintings and children’s art work framed and mixed in with the pictures, throw pillows placed perfectly to match his exact aesthetic of organized-messiness, and soft, long-haired carpet that feels good between his toes. A Christmas tree stands tall in the far corner of the room with an army’s worth of presents wrapped beneath it, lights strung about, candy canes dangling from the branches alongside glass ornaments. There’s even an angel on the top.

This would have been his dream home – well. It still is. This is his dream home, all embodied right in front of him and he suddenly feels like he wants to cry. This joke isn’t funny anymore and he doesn’t want to play along because this is just hurting his emotions.

“Daddy.” The girl says and he finally snaps back into reality and looks at her.

“Yeah?” He asks, and it’s stupid. He’s forgotten how he’s supposed to talk to children.

“Hungry.” He nods and gives her a big, over exaggerated smile – if for nothing else than to keep her happy. Even if he’s beyond confused, he doesn’t want to hurt a little girl’s feelings. He walks to the left, through a set of doors and he sees an entrance area to the home – but the kitchen is just down the hallway from there. He can see it through wide-open French doors, so he just goes in through there.

It smells like a bakery – like warm and fresh baking bread as soon as he walks through the doors and he can’t help the smile. Harry’s always been a good cook and Louis’ always been great at taking advantage of it. He goes to set the girl down in one of three ( _three?!)_ highchairs at the table and she screams.

He flinches and immediately pulls back. “What’s wrong?” He asks quickly, hands trembling a bit again.

“Mine.” She points to the purple chair and he just lets out a relieved sigh and sets her in that one instead. He assumes that this girl is maybe two – probably a little less. But it makes him feel weird and uncomfortable that he doesn’t even know her name.

Harry comes running in barely half a minute later, and his face looks panicky. “You guys alright?”

“Um –“ Louis goes to say _no_ he’s not all right – but he can’t bring himself to do that. He can’t bring himself to stress Harry out any further than it seems he already is. “Yeah. All good.”

“All right.” He says and lets out a relieved sigh. Then a baby is crying and he chuckles softly. “There’s Liv.” He says and – well – at least Louis knows _one_ name.

“I can get her.” He says – if for nothing else than a moment to escape.

“Kay.” Harry says with a smile and Louis goes towards the sound of the crying, but he comes to a bit of a standstill when he gets to the hallway. There are five doors. One is the one he woke up inside of, so from there he just opens the first in front of him.

“Hi.” Another little girl says from a bed – sitting criss cross as she colors. “Papa said I needed to stay in here till breakfast was done. Can I come out?”

“Um, yeah. Of course. I thought I’d fetch you.” She grins and gets up quickly, then runs out and down the stairs. Louis feels dizzy and a little bit nauseous. But he just walks inside of the little bedroom and looks around at everything. She’s a little artist, it seems. Her name must be Mae, because there are large, painted wooden letters spelled out like that over the head of her bed, along with some fairy lights that make the room twinkle. There are pictures on her night stand, one of the three of them together, Harry and Louis both kissing both of her cheeks and suddenly tears rush to his eyes.

Is all of this real? Why can’t he remember any of it?

The baby is still crying – and he’s brought out of his little daze by that realization.

He walks out of that room, flicking the light off, and then goes into the next. It’s empty, so he moves on to the next. There, he finds the crying baby and picks her up immediately. Staring back at him are his own eyes. His – that’s _his_ color blue and his entire body feels like it hurts. But as soon as she’s in his arms, she’s quiet.

He brings her downstairs and sets her in the high chair right beside the first child’s – God he still feels bad that he doesn’t know her name – and glances to Harry. Mae is hoovering over Harry’s every move, seemingly trying to watch what he’s doing with the food.

“Mae, love, just a few more minutes, okay? Can you just sit down for me, please? I don’t want you to burn yourself.”

“Sorry papa.” She says and runs to one of the adult chairs and sits down.

“It’s okay, baby.” He gives her a smile.

“Do you want some juice, babe?” He asks Mae and she nods.

“Apple, please.” He smiles and tries to ignore the twinge of pain in his heart. If these really are his children, he just wishes he could remember raising them.

“Too!” Unsure-name-baby yells and Louis nods. He doesn’t know how old she is – still – and he doesn’t know how old the littlest one is, either, so he just opens a cabinet and searches for three sippy cups. Well. He glances back to the oldest and assumes she can use a big glass and gets two of the sippy cups and one big glass and fills all three with apple juice.

He sets the first glass in front of Mae, then pulls a chair up between Liv and the other one. Baby one takes the cup and sucks on the tip happily, but Harry is suddenly behind him and, “Lou? What… Whatcha doing?”

“Hm?” He asks, and Harry looks worried again.

“She can’t have juice yet.”

“Oh! Sh-yeah sorry. Sorry. I don’t – sorry.” Harry gives him a strange look, but he takes the cup and sticks it back in the refrigerator. He finds a pre-made bottle of what he assumes is baby formula inside and takes it to Liv.

“I’m gonna go get Collette. When the oven beeps will you take those out, please?”

“Course.” He says and just watches as Harry walks away. “You want to play a game, Mae?”

“What kinda game?” Mae asks, tilting her head to the side.

“A spelling game. For every one you can get right, I’ll let you have a piece of candy.”

“Yes!” She calls out and Louis smiles.

“Okay, spell a word with the first letter of your sisters name.” He says and points to the baby he doesn’t know’s name.

“Ummm… A-P-P-L-E.” She says and smiles.

“Good! That’s one. Now the second letter.” She has to think for a second longer, then, but Louis is patient. He’s not really patient with adults, but he’s willing to wait all day with kids.

“B-A-L-L”

“You’re doing really well.” He says with another grin. “Spell words with all the other letters and I’ll let you have a whole handful.” She lights up really quickly at that and her face twists into something like concentration.

“um.. E-A-T and…. Y… I dunno any words with Y.” She says and pouts.

“Can I have candy anyway?” He, of course, has to pretend that he wasn’t just doing that to be able to learn the girl’s name, so he eggs her on to be able to spell a word.

“Do you know how to spell yellow?”

“Nuh-uh.” She says and Louis smiles.

“Y-E-L-L-O-W.” He says and she nods. “I’ll give you your candy after breakfast, alright?”

“Candy?” Harry asks with a little chuckly.

“Mae here is the best speller ever, huh?”

“Yeah!” She says with a huge grin. “Daddy said if I can spelled some words he’d let me have candy.” The oven beeps and Louis gets up to get the pastries out of the oven, and when he turns around, there’s another baby in Harry’s arms. Another girl. _All girls._ He thinks for a moment. But – he knows she’s theirs, because she has Harry’s beautiful green eyes and he feels the urge to cry again. He doesn’t, though. Instead, he just sets the hot dish on top of the stove and quietly opens four different cupboards in an attempt to find the plates.

When he finds them, he pulls out three and sets them in front of Mae, Harry, and the spot where he plans to sit. He zones out for most of breakfast, trying to think about what could have possibly happened to make him lose his memory of – of all of _this._

 

It’s about four hours later when there’s a big make-shift bed made out of six comforters on the floor of the living room while a cartoon Louis doesn’t recognize plays in the background. Harry had pulled out the blankets like it was normal and started laying them out on the floor, giving Louis another funny look until he went to help. Once they were all laid out, all of the kids laid down and were out for a nap within twenty minutes.

Magic.

He can’t believe this is what his life is supposed to be.

“Harry –“ He says softly and Harry just kisses him. He can’t – _fuck._ Kissing Harry is magical and wonderful and he cannot believe that he hasn’t done this more often. Well – he obviously has – but he can’t believe he doesn’t remember it, is more accurate.

“It’s okay. I’m stressed out, too. But everything’s gonna be fine.”

“Right. Yeah.” He pauses, awkwardly, because he has no idea what Harry’s talking about. But if he’s able to pass off his not remembering on stress, he’ll do it. Maybe he’ll remember before whatever is happening, happens. “Did you ever find that train?”

“Oh! Yeah!” Harry says loudly and smacks a hand over his mouth, then they both look over to the kids. They’re all still fast asleep, though, and Louis smiles. “Wanna help me put it together?”

“Sure.” So the two of them wind up sitting around the tree, moving presents and stringing train tracks along the back of the wall, then beneath the couch and back around to the tree. He wants to ask so badly what the point of the stupid little train is, but he’s supposed to pawn this off on stress.  
Right.

“Perfect.” Harry says with a happy sigh when the last piece goes into place. Then Louis powers on the train and watches as it chugs along, all the way behind the tree and then out again and then back behind the couch. He understands, he thinks, why this is such an important thing to Harry. He can imagine that little kids love this kind of thing.

“You know what I’m in the mood for?”

“Hm?” Harry asks, waggling his eyebrows. _God._ Louis can – Louis can have sex with Harry!

Sex! With Harry!

Right?

“Can we look through some photos? I feel like – I dunno. I just want to look through them.” Harry’s grin turns wide again. It’s cute and endearing and it feels _normal._ He suddenly has that same feeling of anxiety and nervousness in the pit of his stomach. All of this feels like it should feel normal. It’s so – he feels like it’s all his life and he feels like he _should_ feel at peace. But instead, he feels like a stranger in a life that he assumes is really his own.

“Yeah. Course. I actually dug them out this morning cause I figured mum would want to look through them, but we should. It’s been a minute.” Louis nods and watches as Harry gets up and goes to a shelf and brings back four massive photo albums.

He twirls the ring around on his finger a few times as he watches Harry walk. There’s a ring on his finger and it actually makes him feel like he’s going to cry. He can’t remember a wedding and he can’t even remember the proposal! It’s – it feels wrong.

Harry’s got a matching little band on his finger – except his has a few little red stones. Louis feels a surge of pride at himself for choosing such a beautiful ring for Harry – he could remember vividly the day that Harry had told him that rubies were his favorite gem. They’d been on the beach in California, the sun shining down on them and he could still remember how much it hurt to be in so much sun after coming from clouded over London, but it was such a great memory.

He thinks – he’s certain that they’d had a concert right before that, but the memory of that is blurred and a little confused. He can’t even remember what songs they sung. It’s weird. One Direction had to have existed, right? Maybe – maybe these memories are just very similar. He can’t – the band was such a big part of his life and he doesn’t want that stripped away from him, but he also can’t deny that this – all of this is what is feeling real – not what he’d had with the boys.

“Tell me about your favorite pictures.” Harry quirks an eyebrow, like he’s confused and unsure, so Louis quickly adds in, “I know I was there, but tell me the stories from your perspective.” Harry gives him a silly look, but it’s fond and one of his dimples is poking his cheek in, so he can tell that he doesn’t think he’s weird. Not yet, at least.

So he opens the first book labeled _2010-2011_. All of the pictures look like they were taken on a polaroid, and Louis wants to see that camera and probably take a picture on it, too, but he doesn’t bring that up. “Our first date.” Harry says with a little grin. “I was so certain I was going to fuck it up, cause here I was, just a dorky little kid with, like, an _adult,_ and I was so worried about my tie and thinking it was crooked and embarrassed that you’d taken me out to such a nice place that I was a stammery, blushy mess throughout the night.” It’s so – Louis can actually see the entire night in his head. He can see a blushing and embarrassed Harry right in front of him and he can even remember the brand of wine they’d had that night. He can’t – that memory hadn’t ever felt like it was a first date until right then. The name Simon rings in his head, and he can’t really tell if that’s important or not. But then he feels a new memory slip in where he kissed Harry at some point in the night to get him to shut up. He can’t help the little giggle.

“That was a good night.” He says and he means it. He means it entirely and with everything he has in him.

“Our fifth date.” Harry says with another smile. “I think I got a little ballsy, then, cause I remember going home completely sure you’d never call me back.”

“You pushed me into the water you twit!” Louis says with a laugh. “Made me step on a sea urchin!” He can remember that, too, but – hadn’t they been practicing for the X-Factor? He – it feels right. But thinking about those stressful days and the memories of singing with the boys and their entire futures on the line feel foggy. Maybe it had been some kind of awkward and elaborate dream?

“Heeeey, I thought I was telling the story!”

“Okay, okay, I’ll shut up.”

“Meeting your mum. God. Remember how nervous I was? I think that was the first time I was actually _sure_ you weren’t going to just stop calling me without an explanation and your mum had to tell me to sit down and get me a glass of water ‘cause she thought I was going to pass out.”

“And Lottie called you a hippie.”

“God, that was embarrassing!”

“It’s a wonderful dinner story, babe.” Louis says and it feels natural. It feels _good_ to be able to joke around with Harry like that because it feels like he’s been doing it for years. Harry swaps albums and pulls out the next one labeled _2012-2014._

“Moving in together was weird.” Harry says with a giggle. “Remember when my mum called and I had it on speaker and she said I was being daft going so quickly with you and then you fell over and she got all embarrassed?”

“Oh – hi Louis!” He says with a laugh, tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. “I was umm… I was talking about another boy uh! You know Harry…” He keeps going, not mocking, but kind of just making a bit of fun out of the line Harry’s mum had said with that phone call.

“God that was funny.” He flips through most of the pages after that, and then there’s the last page and it’s a picture of Louis down on one knee with Harry covering his mouth with his hands and his eyes are bright green with tears. Louis feels his own eyes fill with tears. “My favorite day of all times.” Harry leans his head on Louis’ shoulder. “I still cry sometimes, too, s’okay.” Louis just nods.

He wishes he was crying happily, though, but they’re sad tears. He doesn’t remember that day at all.

“Tell me the full story from your perspective.”

“We went to Spain for the first stop on your book tour and I kept complaining and saying I shouldn’t be there, and that your co-workers all thought it was odd that I was there. And all through the plane ride I wouldn’t stop pestering you ‘cause I knew you were hiding something. I think at one point I even tried to purposely start an argument because I really, really just wanted to know what you were hiding. But then the second day when we were out and about, just sight seeing and walking around, you got down on your knee and asked me to marry you.” Louis remembers their time in Spain. But. None of the memories with Harry are there. It feels a bit empty. A book tour doesn’t make any sense, either, but he doesn’t know how to bring that up. So he stays quiet and Harry is just smiling at him again.

Mae comes running up to them, then, and climbs up on the couch beside Louis. He smiles over at her, too, and tries to blink away any of the remaining tears in his eyes. “You’re up early, love.” He says and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.

“’m too big for naps.”

“Are you now?” Harry says with a smile. “You’re right, four is really big. But you know what else big kids should do?” Her face lights up at being agreed with, and Louis can’t help his wide smile. Harry had always been good with kids. He can remember him coming over and immediately setting a good relationship with his siblings, getting them to braid his hair and fall in love with him right away, so he isn’t surprised. “Set a good example for your sisters, yeah? They look up to you, princess. So you have to show them that naps are good.”

“Naps are good.” She says with a little yawn and climbs back off the couch. When she walks away, Louis assumes that she’s going back to their big nap-bed and doesn’t follow her.

“Do you remember what time your mum said she’d get here?” Harry asks and Louis freezes.

“Um – no. I don’t.”

“That’s alright.” Harry says with a little sigh. “I think the stress is just getting to both of us, yeah?” He still doesn’t know where the _stress_ is coming from – but he’ll accept the excuse again. Maybe they’re hosting Christmas dinner?

“I think I might have put it in my phone.” He says, not sure if other-him who’s been living this life might actually have. So he reaches into his pocket to find it and – not there.

“Think you left it in the kitchen last night.” He nods and gets up to go and find his phone, and then he looks out the window. It’s – they’re in _Donny._ They’re – he’s _home._ He can see the Minister Church from the window and it’s incredible. He can’t – it’s all a bit overwhelming.

So he just grabs his phone and – of fucking course there’s a password. He types in his old one, from the life he still kind of remembers – and it actually unlocks. So. There are a few parallels. It’s the day before Christmas Eve, he finds out, and – shit. His birthday? How old is he?

That stresses him out even worse.

The last album that Harry had pulled out was labeled with _2016-2017_ so that means he’s at least still the same age he was before. Right? What if – what if there were albums Harry didn’t make or hadn’t labeled?

He opens the full calendar app to see that it’s only 2016 still – thank _God._ But he’s only twenty-four and already has four children? That makes his head spin a bit, too, and he isn’t really sure how he feels about that.

He desperately wants to ask Harry about their lives and gets _some_ kind of clarity, but it’s all foggy and confused in his head and he feels like he might actually breakdown if he doesn’t get answers soon. How would he even bring that up? How could he possibly tell his _husband_ and the father of his _children_ that he doesn’t remember anything? That every memory in his head is altered and confused because they were pop-stars?

Wait.

Is One Direction even a thing? Does the band even exist? He has the memories so clear in his head, but they also feel like something he could have made up.

He’s staring at his phone with a terrified and slightly confused expression when Harry comes in and sees him. “Hey, Lou. You all right?” He asks softly and puts a hand on the small of his back.

“Harry – Um.” Then the doorbell rings and he realizes that he forgot to check when his mum was supposed to be coming. That had been the entire reason he’d gotten his phone, at least in Harry’s mind, so he just sighs. “My mum’s here, I think.” Harry nods.

“I’ll go answer it. You wanna get the girls up?”

“Yeah – sure.” The two of them stand at the same time and go in their different directions. Harry goes towards the door and he can hear the excited chatter of the two of them seeing each other as he strokes Mae’s hair and watches as her little eyes flutter open.

“Hi daddy.” She says, sleepy voice obvious before she lifts her arms up and Louis gets the hint to pick her up.

“Grandma’s here.” He says softly and she squeals and that’s what makes the other three wake up so – well, at least he didn’t have to do that. “Wanna go say hi?”

“Yes yes yes.” She squeals again and he puts her down and watches as she runs out of the room and, as he assumes, runs to see his mum. Then, he picks up Abbey and Liv, who are whining like they’re about to start crying. Collette is just staring up to the ceiling, quiet and breathing softly.

But he’s not a weak man, and growing up with so many siblings has taught him how to carry three babies safely, so he places her into his arms as well and walks off to the living room to find his mum and Harry, sitting on the couch and chatting. Mae is sitting on his mum’s lap, wiggling around and giggling.

“Louis!” His mum says and he can’t help but smile.

“Hi, mum.”

“Oh my, look how big these cuties are getting.” She takes Mae up in one arm and comes over and places a little kiss on each of the babies’ foreheads. “And look how good you look, love! So glad you shaved, I thought you were getting a bit scruffy.”

“ _Mum.”_ He says with a little blush.

“Come sit. Harry and I were just chatting about Mae’s party.” Party? He isn’t sure if it’s a birthday party or what – he assumes birthday. Fuck.

“Oh, right… Yeah.” He says and comes to sit with them. Harry takes Abbey from him and holds her against his chest.

“So, we were thinking some kind of Nautical themed party, since she’s been so into The Little Mermaid lately.” Louis says and he nods, like he knows that. He doesn’t – he’s actually completely and totally confused about everything that’s happening around him, still, but he can’t help but try and make his family think that he’s okay and aware. “And of course it’s going to be the fifteenth instead of the tenth, since you’re at your book signing that weekend.” Book signing? That’s the second time Harry has said something about books – and he’s really confused.

“Oh! Speaking of, love, hows your new one coming along?” He stares blankly for a moment and Harry quirks an eyebrow.

“S’okay, Lou, we don’t have to talk about work.”

“Are you okay, baby?” His mum says after a moment. He’s cognitive enough to put the babies down on the couch before he falls over, but everything just feels a bit too heavy and far too overwhelming as the darkness takes over his eyesight and he feels himself smack against the floor.

 

When he comes to, Harry is running a cold cloth over his forehead and his mum is holding his hand. “Lou, Lou baby. Are you all right?”

“Huh?” He asks, the confusion taking over when he realizes he’s still in that same house where he’d woken up. A part of him had wished he would have just woken up and been back to the life he remembers, even though this life is entirely perfect and everything he could see for himself one day, it’s just – it feels wrong. He feels like he’s intruding on a life that isn’t his.

“You passed out, love.” Harry says and his eyes are filled with such genuine concern that Louis feels like he might cry. “Harry, what year is it?”

“Um, 2016.” Louis smiles.

“What was the title of your last book?” Louis freezes. Oh, fuck.

“Um.” He suddenly feels like he’s going to cry, so that’s exactly what he does. He can’t stop it, either, it just comes before Harry is pulling him into his arms and stroking his back.

“Do you remember, Lou?” He thinks for a moment, tries and tries and then – oh.

“It’s um – One Direction.” Harry smiles softly and nods.

“There’s my boy. It’s all right. You’re okay.” His mum is watching them with teary eyes and he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t even remember writing a book – or apparently _books_ – but that seems to be his life. It’s confusing. He realizes, then, that his step-dad and older sister are there, too, standing over him with concerned expressions.

“Hi.” He says with a soft smile, trying to get the fuss away from him. He doesn’t want to start a fuss, he just wants to feel normal.

 

They settle in for a quiet night after that. After all of the questions have fizzled out about how he could have been hurt and how his stress is probably getting to him and how he should really _take some time off_ he doesn’t really know what to do. So he suggests they all watch a movie before they have to put the girls down to bed. So, as the commotion settles and everyone gets their heads back on straight, that’s exactly what they do.

Of course, the movie is a Pixar film, since there are children, but Louis and Harry alike have always been equally enamored by animated films, so there are no complaints.

The girls are all sleeping by half way through, and slowly, one by one, Harry and Louis carry each of them up to their rooms and tuck them tight into their beds.

“You coming back down?” Harry asks as Louis places a little kiss on Mae’s forehead. She’s a fighter, he can tell. Her eyes had been drooping since before the movie even started but she’d held out to be the very last person to fall asleep. She reminds him a lot of himself when he was younger.

“I’ll be down in a mo’. Just gonna hang back a second.” Harry gives a little nod and Louis pulls up one of the tiny play chairs from Mae’s tea set and sits beside her bed for a moment. “I wish I remembered everything about your life.” He whispers to the sleeping girl softly. Her breathing is still even, eyes are still closed, and she still looks calm so he knows he hasn’t woken her. “I can already feel how much I love and care for you, your sisters too, but I can’t – I can’t remember anything about your life.”

He’s not sure why he’s saying all of this, because none of it makes sense. It’s all a little chaotic in his head and he can’t really match up each part of his life to what he knows is supposed to be the outcome and it’s hard. He feels a little bit like he’s going to pass out again.

He doesn’t, though. Instead he kisses Mae’s forehead and stands up. He’s decided he’s going to find out about himself and his life once and for all. So, as he treks down the hallway, he pops his head back into the family room and gives a little smile. “Harry, babe, you seen my computer?” He assumes he has a computer. How embarrassing that would be if he didn’t.

“I put it back in your office last night.” Harry says and quirks an eyebrow. “Sudden muse?”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry. I’ll be out in a little while.” Harry follows after him and Louis turns and smiles.

“You feeling okay, love?”

“Yeah, course, why?”

“Your office is back there.”

“Oh.” Louis says with a little laugh. “I know that, I just. I don’t know.” Harry has this concerned look on his face but it goes away quickly when Louis stands on his tippy toes and kisses him softly again. It feels so nice to be able to do that – to be able to just kiss and love on Harry whenever he wants. “I’m fine, I promise. My heads just a little – full right now.”

“Okay. Your mum wants to go through the albums from this year, so whenever you wanna join us.” Louis nods and Harry turns and walks back to the family room. Louis, though, still determined to do some research, walks into his office and opens his computer. There’s no password – and for that he’s thankful – so he immediately goes to google.

But one look around his office tells him more than he needs to know. There’s a shelf of books lining the far left wall, and the entire center shelf has his name on the author’s line. He blinks a few times and grabs the first of the books. The publication date on the first page says 2010. It’s called _The Wire_ and he considers opening it, but instead he just places it back on the shelf and moves on to the next one.

 _Red and Yellow,_ published 2011.

 _Crystals_ – the Red and Yellow sequel sits right beside it, published 2013. It’s the thickest of the books as of yet, with just over six hundred pages. He can’t believe – he can’t believe he _wrote_ that. During his GCSEs he can’t even remember being willing to sit and _read_ a six hundred page book.

 _The Boy of Blue Hues_ is next – and it’s a cheesy title, but he can’t help but let his hands linger on that one a while. Something about it feels familiar.

Then, the final. _One Direction._ A long sigh presses past his lips as he sits back down in his computer chair. It’s a bit of a shock, really, when he starts reading it. Each detail within the book feels like he’s really had the chance to live and breathe what the characters are doing. He feels dizzy again, so he puts the book away.

Harry comes and fetches him for bed about an hour later, and he’s sleepy and sated enough from over thinking that he’s entirely willing to sleep. So, he curls up close to Harry as soon as they’re in bed and just allows himself to enjoy the cuddling he can’t remember having experienced before.

 

** December 24th, 2016 **

+

When he opens his eyes, he feels a bit nauseous. The room smells thick of smoke and laundry detergent, and when he opens his eyes, Zayn is sitting on his bed, talking on the phone, with a cigarette dangling from his mouth. He’s confused. Entirely, wholly, confused.

“What the fuck.” Is the only thing he says before his face smashes right into the ground and he’s groaning.

“Um, I gotta go, babes. I’ll call you later.” Zayn says into his phone and comes over to Louis. “Y’alright mate?”

“No. What the fuck.”

“What’s up? Bad dream?”

“I … yeah, I guess. Shit, that was the most realistic dream I’ve ever had in my entire life. Woah.” His head is spinning just a bit and his ears are ringing. He’s not sure if it’s from the sudden realization that he’s back in One Direction and back in the life that he’d been so satisfied to be out of just a few moments earlier or if it’s from where he hit the floor.

“Did you have anything to drink after I fell asleep last night?”

“No – I’m. I’ve been asleep since H and I got back.”

“You’re probably just disoriented from sleeping for so long then, babe. That’s like, almost fourteen hours.”

“’s been a long time since I’ve gotten to sleep that long.” He says with a little laugh and pulls himself up and back up onto the bed. He flops back and looks at the ceiling of the hotel room. It’s too white and too boring and everything just feels overly manufactured and he hates it. Everything had felt so much better when he’d been staring up at a ceiling that felt like he’d designed it to look exactly how he wanted it. It’s a little overwhelming.

“You looked like you were out good. Your back alright?”

“Bit sore. But I’ll manage.” Zayn gives him a little smile.

“All right, babes. Li and I are gonna go out for some food in a mo. You gonna be good here by yourself?”

“Yeah, I’ll be good. Think I just need some time to myself anyway.” Zayn ruffles his hair up a bit and Louis playfully slaps his hand away before the raven haired man is leaving and the door is closed. He’s alone, finally, so he has time to digest all of the feelings inside of his head.

He’s confused, mostly. How the hell had that dream felt so real? He sighs softly and gets himself up, out of bed, and walks over to the other side of the room where his phone is plugged into the wall. His mum has sent him six messages, the first with _happy birthday my son_ and the rest various party themed emojis. He can’t help the little smile and giggle he gets from that, because once his mother had figured out how to use her new phone, she put emojis in just about everything. It was cute.

He had several more from various other family members and over twenty thousand notifications on his twitter. It was a little overwhelming, again, but it was all right. He kind of liked the attention, some times, especially when he was feeling lonely and a bit confused. Confusion is the main emotion he’s feeling right now, so he wants nothing more than to just distract himself.

He ends up talking on the phone with his mum for three and a half hours before Harry comes barging into the room and says hello to all of them.

He hangs up shortly after.

“You want to go somewhere and celebrate?”

“Do you have anything in mind?”

“I was thinking maybe a little café? I could call in advance and get us a section blocked off.”

“That would be fun, H. Sure.” Harry smiles and nearly runs out of the room and into his own room, Louis assumes. He flops himself back down on his bed and sighs. Harry is – Harry really is something else.

He really hadn’t even thought about this kind of thing before. He’d always considered himself a straight man, but maybe that was just because he hadn’t thought about being with a man. Or maybe he had thought about being with a man – but he’d never thought about being with _Harry._ It’s confusing and scary and he feels like he’s much too old to be having a sexuality crisis, but he’s not sure.

Maybe the dream is trying to tell him something. Maybe he should just grow a pair and ask Harry if he has any feelings for him.

The very worst it could do is make things a bit awkward between them for a little while, and the best that could happen is – well – the circumstance in his dream could come true. But he doesn’t want to think about his dream anymore. He just wants to think about how happy he is when he hears the click of his door opening and Harry flops down beside him.

“So, the hostess said we’ll be good in about an hour. So, do you want to go to the post and drop our gifts off first?”

“Sure, sounds good.”

 

They take a cab down to the post office. It’s quiet, even after they get out of the car, and it’s surprisingly nice. There’ve been a few widening eyes and a few lingering glances, but even ten mintues into the both of them being out in public together, they haven’t been swarmed.

But Louis has found that he’s quite good at jinxing things, so he tries to keep his thoughts away from that little fact, if for nothing other than to make sure he doesn’t think about those things and actually jinx them.

He gets all of his family’s gifts wrapped up and into a box within ten minutes, and Harry’s done the same, before they’re both scribbling down the addresses they’re meant to be shipped off to and paying the fee to have them sent.

It’s not quite as satisfying to have the gifts sent off rather than giving them to his family himself, but it’s all right. One day he’ll be able to do it all again. Plus, he’ll be able to skype with them in a few days when the package actually gets there and they get to open it.

Maybe that makes it okay. He always has the best gifts because they don’t get caught up in the tangle of all the other gifts they get. Especially the babies. They always get excited about getting their ‘second Christmas’.

He really misses them, though.

 

“Wait, okay, so you’re telling me that you would rather go on stage in just your pants than sit on Li’s shoulders for one song?”

“Well, of course.” Harry says like it’s obvious. “I’d be like, eleven feet tall if I was on Li’s shoulders, plus, I have a wicked fear of heights, so.”

“Hmm. Alright.” He sips at his tea once again and thanks the waitress when she comes and clears both of their plates. They’ve long since finished eating, but neither of them are really ready to be done and go back to the hotel, so they’ve decided to just sit out and have a little fun with each other.

“Okay… would you rather snog Liam for the time of one of our entire songs or lick one of the bras that get thrown up on the stage?”

“What the hell!” Louis says with a cackle. “I’d probably rather snog Liam. Boob sweat I think I’ll pass on.” They’re both laughing, then, and tears are pricking at Louis eyes. After a while he’s not even sure why they’re laughing, but something was funny and then the laughing itself became funny. “Would you rather eat gum off of the bottom of a table or drink out of a complete strangers water glass?”

“Oh, ew.” Harry says and Louis laughs again. He knows Harry has a thing about sharing water – something about it being the only thing that you can actually taste the backwash or something equally gross – so he had to come up with that quickly. “Pass, that’s nasty.” Louis sticks his tongue out.

“Fine. Your go.”

“Would you rather …” Harry pauses, his eyes dart around and he seems to be thinking for a moment. “I’ve actually got nothing. Got anything else in mind?”

“We could do talk to those girls over there who are staring at us.” He says and motions to two teenage girls who are sitting at a table just outside of the section that they’d asked be reserved just for them.

“Sure, why not.” Harry says with a little smile. He knows Harry loves talking to fans, especially when they’re well rested and have had some time off. So, today’s really the best day for them to speak with fans.

“Hi.” Harry says as soon as they approach. The girls seem frozen in their place and Louis can’t help the little laugh.

“Hi.” One of the girls chokes out. “We were actually um – we actually just asked the waitress to order some cake in for you, cause like, happy birthday or whatever.” She says and her face is entirely red and Louis smiles again.

“That’s sweet of you, I appreciate it.” He’s really gotten used to speaking with fans and their nervous, teary-eyed ways of interacting with them. It’s a bit awkward, sometimes, when neither of them have said anything for a moment and he wants to just dismiss himself, but this isn’t so bad. Maybe it’s the christmasy spirit that’s floating about the café, or maybe it’s just because he’s so well rested from their mini break.

“Can we get a picture?” The same girl asks and her friend is still in a state of shock, it seems, but she nods in agreement.

“Course.” The four of them all stand together and the quiet girl sets a five second timer on her phone for all of them to pause. It’s actually a fairly decent photo, Louis thinks, especially with Harry’s bright green eyes illuminated under the twinkle lights that are strung about in the café and the girls look happy and it makes him feel like a good person.

“It was lovely chatting with you. Thank you for the picture.”

“Thank you for the cake.” They return to their table and sit in a moment of silence. It’s not silent for long, though, before six waitresses are all coming out and singing a beautifully off key version of _happy birthday_ and Louis is really happy.

He and Harry share the cake, and if a little frosting winds up on Harry’s nose, well, that’s just between the two of them.

 

And the internet, of course, because by the time he’s in bed and washed up from the day, the picture of Louis smearing frosting on Harry has circulated all over all of his social media and every other platform in existence.

But he really, really doesn’t care. There’s nothing wrong with it – and the media plays it like he’s just having a bit of fun with a friend. That’s all it is – he has to keep reminding himself – but even if the fans play it up like they’re in a relationship, he’s just going to keep his sights on the media.

When he lays down, Zayn’s still not back, but he lets himself fall asleep after laughing at Harry’s most recent tweet.

_Happy birthday to my fave would you rather player. Good day. – h_

 

+

 

He wakes with a startled when he feels something hard and warm poking at the lower part of his back. His eyes open slowly but – oh. This is familiar. It’s the same bedroom – the same one he’d woken up in the day before – and Harry’s pressed right up against him and he’s hard.

He thinks, briefly, that he wants to rut up against Harry and maybe wake him up with some morning sex, but his head is still a little fuzzed over and cloudy from the confusion of waking up in yet another place.

Harry shuffles just a bit and then there’s a warm pair of lips pressing a little kiss to his neck. “Happy birthday, love.” He says softly and Louis can only smile. The confusion is still there – demanding attention at the front of his mind – but he _wants_ to ignore it. He doesn’t want to think about anything except how happy he is with Harry right beside him and how fulfilled he feels with someone he thinks he loves so much laying beside him.

He hadn’t really thought about how much he really loved Harry until he woke up in this strange house with this strange life that he doesn’t remember anything about – but he does. He feels so strongly for Harry and he feels so _much_ for Harry all at once.

Harry clearly doesn’t have any embarssment about the fact that he’s woken up hard, as he just reaches down and adjusts himself in his pants before he’s placing another little kiss on the side of Louis’ jaw.

It’s obvious, in that moment, because he has the chance to lay beside him and he can feel the little kisses and he can feel the weight of their love wrapped around the entire room and it’s overwhelming in the best way.

“Thank you, babe.”

“Do you wanna have some tea in bed?” He nods and kisses Harry’s cheek as the boy crawls out of bed and pulls on some trakkies. He watches as he walks out of the room and just lays back in bed and looks up at their ceiling, but he doesn’t let the confusion come back. He refuses to let that ruin this dream or this weird – _thing_ that’s going on here. He’s just going to appreciate it while it lasts.

Harry comes back into their room with two mugs of tea in hand barely a few minutes later. He settles back into bed beside him and they both sit back up against the headboard before Louis takes the warm mug into his hands. It’s milk, no sugar, just the way he likes it and he’s suddenly overcome with the urge to just kiss Harry with everything he has. He feels like he wants to kiss Harry all the time and be close with him all the time, but he doesn’t – it feels so odd to actually be able to do that.

“Your mum was curled up on the couch sleeping with Mae on her lap.” Harry says with a little chuckle. “I love how much she loves the kids.”

“She has to love kids an awful lot, especially to have seven of them.” He says with a smile and Harry rolls his eyes. He can tell it’s a fond action, though, so it doesn’t bother him. He doesn’t think anything Harry could do would bother him, actually. Harry is wonderful and beautiful and he’s everything he’s ever wanted.

But – it’s _this_ Harry. This Harry is not the harry that he is used to so maybe it’s just a moment of infatuation with him. He can’t really tell, but he doesn’t think it is. He thinks this is the Harry that he can see himself falling in love with. Well, he’s obviously already in love with this Harry in this world and in Harry’s mind – since they’re married – but he feels like this is the kind of Harry that he can fall in love with all over again.

“Kiss me.” Louis says and Harry quirks an eyebrow, but he does. He sets both of their mugs on the side table first, but then he’s kissing Louis and it’s a wonderful, deep kiss that he can feel in each part of his body, at the end of every nerve ending, and he never wants it to stop. He can feel so much of Harry all around him and he wants everything and more.

It’s only a few minutes of kissing before Louis is moving himself so he’s more straddling Harry than anything. His hips are still, but with the way that Harry’s hands come up and grab the soft flesh of his arse, he thinks that they both have the same idea in their heads right now.

He feels a bit like a teenager again, with all of the warm feelings he has bubbling up in his stomach and the heavy weight he can feel between his legs. He’s not hard, but he knows he could be really quickly if they were to keep kissing like this.

“Babe, we have to go downstairs.” Harry says, but his lips are kissed red and he can definitely feel the beginnings of a hard on beneath his thigh.

“It’s barely half seven. We could … _sleep in_ for a mo.”

“My mum’s gonna be here at eight, babes. Remember?” Louis sighs and feels himself deflate. Anne would surely not be very happy if she was left standing at their door because the two of them were busy fucking about upstairs. “I’ll suck you off in the shower, though.”

Louis is not strong enough to resist that, of course, so when the both of them are in the shower and Harry drops to his knees, well, he knows he’s in heaven.

 

“Anne, it’s lovely to see you.” Louis says with a grin as Harry’s mum pulls hum into a hug. “You too, Gemma.”

“It’s nice to see you too, Lou. I just finished your last book. Brilliant, by the way.”

“Oh, thank you so much.” He says, mostly just because it feels like what he’s supposed to say. He really doesn’t remember writing the book or anything about it other than what he’d read in his quick skim through in his office, but the acceptance of the compliment feels like the socially correct thing to do. “I’ll take your bags to the guest rooms, then?”

“Oh, yes please dear.” Anne says and Louis nods and smiles. Harry had told him to go down and make up the beds just before she arrived, so he actually knew where the guest beds were. It’s a good feeling to actually have a clue what he’s doing in his own house.

He sets Anne’s bags on the foot of her bed, then leaves the door open just a crack before he makes his way to the room right beside that one and leaves Gemma’s bag there as well. When he returns, everyone has seemed to migrate into the family room and the typical Tomlison Chaos has taken over the room, so he’s happy.

When his gran rings on the bell and four more children pour into the entrance along with the older woman, he’s the happiest he’s been in a long, long while. The entire family being together isn’t – it’s not something he’s used to and even if it probably happens a lot in this world, he isn’t sure if he’ll ever be used to this. To having holidays surrounded by the people he loves.

He cries just a little bit and his mum, Anne, his gran, his dad, Lottie, and Gemma all surround him in a big hug. “What’s wrong, bug?” Lottie asks and Louis laughs a little.

“I just miss you all so much, s’all.”

“We miss you too, Lou.” He feels like he really belongs there.

 

His mum brings out a big cake about half way through the day, and Louis tries to act surprised. He’s known for the last few hours that her and Anne were on the phone with the bakery down the road to get a cake delivered by one o’clock, and by that time on the dot, they’re walking from the kitchen, kids in tow, and singing Happy Birthday. Harry joins in after a moment and he just sways slightly to the tune and smiles as it continues.

He’s so happy.

“Thank you guys.” He says as Anne hands him a plate first before handing one off to everyone else.

“Think we should eat this in the kitchen.” Harry chimes in, his wise experience with their own children kicking in as soon as he watches Mae turn her (thankfully empty) plate about in circles.

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.” Louis says with a chuckle and picks up Liv and gets her on his hip. Harry gets Collette and Abey and they strap each of them into their chairs before his mum is getting the twins situated in their own chairs. The twins are older than Liv and Abey, by at least a year, so they don’t really need high chairs, but it’s still cute to watch how they react to being sat in adult chairs.

The babies aren’t old enough for cake, but Mae gets a little piece and manages to take her first bite without smearing frosting all over her face, so Louis is happy with that. He and Harry sit at the table with their mums, but their older siblings are all banished to the counter island where there are more chairs, just for a place to sit.

It’s not bad, though. It allows all of them to have their own little conversations without anyone feeling left out and his sister doesn’t gag when Harry feeds him a little piece of cake, even though both of their mums shoot them knowing looks. It’s still wonderful, though, and he feels absolutely in place.

 

** December 25th, 2016 **

+

“So, I can sense your confusion from here.” Niall says from the couch in his room and Louis jumps higher than he ever has from fear.

“Jesus, Niall. You scared the hell out of me.” Niall just grins.

“I’m not your Niall. Your Niall is out with Harry and Zayn at dinner, remember?” Louis quirks an eyebrow and stares at his friend with a concerned expression. The stress must have finally gotten to him, he probably finally just cracked under all of the pressure like Simon had expected them to do for the last five years. “I know about your ‘dreams’, Louis.”

“What?” Louis asks, both eyebrows furrowed, suddenly, defensive. He’s ready to defend his little made up family with his life. “Look, don’t tell Harry, okay? They’re weird dreams, I know, but I don’t want to make things weird between H and I cause – “

“That’s not the point of this, Lou.”

“Then…. What is?” He quirks an eyebrow, but his tone is high and breathy and he’s getting frustrated already. Maybe it’s the fact that all of this is building up in his head and it’s all confusing and scary, but he doesn’t know really why he’s getting so upset so easily. He shouldn’t be – especially with Niall. Niall’s always been the mediator, the one to keep him happy and soft and in a good mood. He’s always been that for all of them, but in that moment he wanted to scream.

“I’m here because you have to make your choice. The Christmas wish you made to have a normal life? You can have it. You can have that life with Harry and the girls and One Direction will have never existed except in your book. Or, you can leave that life behind entirely and come back to this life and that other life will cease to exist for you.” Niall says calmly, ignoring the slight elevation that had come to Louis’ tone. But now he’s just entirely _more_ confused.

“Wha… what?”

“You have a choice.” Niall repeats.

“No, no I don’t. That – that other life is just a dream. Niall, you’re scaring me.” He takes a step back, defensively, a weird act of his own body language that he doesn’t understand. He’s not scared of Niall, no one is, but he’s scared of the fact that he feels a bit loony and even more cornered in.

“It’s not just a dream, Lou. Your wish was heard, and you have this choice.”

“What happens to… other me… if I go to that life?”

“He’s already made his decision for which life he wants. But he wasn’t given the choice between this world and his own.”

“What is it? Are there… what?”

“There’s an infinite amount of universes, Louis, and you exist within all of them. You’ve been given the rare chance to switch your life with another universe, and now it’s time to make your decision.”

“I’m –“

“I’ll be back right before you go to sleep tonight to collect your decision. Whatever you’ve decided by tonight will be your permanent decision.”  Then he disappears and Louis is left speechless. He has no clue what that was – whether it was a distinct hallucination or actually real – but he’s really starting to _actually_ feel crazy. It’s not a good feeling and he’s really just confused about everything that’s happening.

 

Niall, or the _real_ Niall, barges into his room about twenty minutes later. He can see the difference between the two of them now, with fake Niall’s skin doing a kind of shimmery glow that he can’t see on real Niall’s skin – so, he thinks he can trust this one.

“So, the lads and I are going out for some drinks. Interested?” He wants a drink more than anything. Something about the idea of being able to let go of these crippling worries is appealing, so he agrees.

“It’s gonna be a bit of an early night for me,” He says, first, thinking about the midnight deadline, “But yeah, I’ll go.” Niall grins and throws an arm around his shoulder.

“That’s a lad! We’re leaving in ten, so, be ready.” Then the blond ball of hyperactivity that is his friend is out of the room and he hears another door being thrown open.

 

The pub isn’t as crowded as he’d originally assumed it would be. It’s called TRUCE and the queue to get inside is rather long, but they’re let in as soon as Niall so much as smiles at the bouncer. It’s a perk of being famous, usually, but he thinks Niall might just know that one. So, Niall leads them up to a VIP section at the top of the stairs in the pub, and shots run steady.

Louis doesn’t get wasted, but he gets a decent buzz in him. He can feel the new found confidence slipping through his body and he finds himself out on the dancefloor before long. Harry’s joined him, dancing to the beat with long limbs and perfectly executed movements.

He loves watching Harry dance. He loves watching Harry dance at rehersals and he loves watching Harry dance dirty. There’s something about it that gets Louis hot and bothered in a way that no one else can get him. It’s intoxicating.

So, before long, he finds his way over to Harry and dances with him. He gets a dimpled smile in return and they move together along with the beat of the music. They’re friendly movements, Louis knows, but he can’t help but want _more._ He really does want more – wants everything with Harry that he can get and it really just isn’t _fair_ that his subconscious can tease him in this way. He wants Harry to be his – he’s realized – and maybe it’s the alcohol that fuels him on but he gets enough courage to lean in and kiss Harry soft, right on the mouth.

Harry jerks away quickly and Louis’ entire world seems to just crash down all at once. “Shit, H, I’m sorry. I’m – sorry.” He says and then he’s leaving, walking away from Harry who’s staring after him with an unreadable look on his face.

He goes to the petrol station down the block, buys a pack, and lights up his first cigarette he’s had in months. It’s a familiar relief, he thinks, for such an odd and stressful feeling in his gut.

His mind is made up, though, he thinks. He wants Harry and if that means he has to leave One Direction behind, he will.

 

“Did you make up your mind, Lou?” Fake, glowing Niall asks. He startles Louis again, makes him jump where he’s seated on the bed, but he nods.

“Yeah. I – um. I did.”

“Do you want to stay here or go to the other life, then?”

“I’d quite like to go back to the other life.” Fake-Niall gives him a soft smile and nods.

“This isn’t a decision entirely based off of Harry rejecting you earlier, is it? Don’t base the rest of your life off of one moment.”

“No, I don’t – I don’t think it is. I love Harry and I know that, and I want to be able to call him mine but I think I also want to leave all of this behind, the overwhelming feeling of being famous and being watched with every move I make.” Niall nods. “Will I remember any of this, though?”

“Yes, you will. In the other life, you wrote a book about this life – so whenever you think about it, you’re really just thinking about your book.”

“Will it feel real?”

“Entirely. You won’t forget anything you’ve experienced now.”

“Will I remember anything from the other life?”

“Yes. Now that you’ve made the decision to permanently stay there, all of those memories will come back.” Louis nods and smiles. “Now get some rest, and when you wake up, you’ll be back with Harry.” Niall disappears after that – vanishes into thin air as if he was never there. Louis just lies back and looks up at the ceiling and hopes everything will be okay without him here.

He thinks it will be, but he also knows that Harry has his heart, and he must have gotten this chance for a reason.

The last thing he does before he falls asleep is send Harry a text. _Sorry, H. Goodnight and sleep well x See you in the morning._

 

+

 

When he opens his eyes, as promised, Harry is laying beside him. His breathing is even and slow and – there’s a child curled up between them. Mae is laying between the two of them sleeping quietly with her thumb tucked between her lips.

She’s slept with them often, he thinks. The memories feel fresh and real and it’s – it brings tears to his eyes when he realizes how clearly he remembers a life that only two days ago hadn’t felt like his own. He can remember everything about Mae from when they adopted her to her first haircut and when Harry kept the clipping of her curly brunette hair inside of a plastic baggy and put it in a scrap book. He remembers her first words and her first steps and he remembers reading to her at night and sitting with her as she introduced him to all her stuffed bears. He thinks about the little drawing she’d done of her, him, and Harry that he’d hung on his office wall and let her take down to add to when each of the babies were born.

The babies – _god._ He remembers them, now. He remembers their surrogate mothers and how Harry had given his sperms to one of them and he’d given his to the other. It’s all there and it’s overwhelming in the absolute best way.

He remembers going to Uni and actually passing his A levels. He remembers writing books and being successful and he remembers book tours and various social media accounts that all have a fairly decent following. It’s all – he’s so happy and satisfied with himself in this life and it all just feels _good._

“Daddy,” Mae whispers and Louis looks down. “Papa sleepin but ‘m hungry.”

“Well, lets get you something to eat then, hm?” She grins and holds her arms up to be lifted, so he does. He carries her down the stairs and finds his sister passed out on the couch with her phone clutched in her hands. She has a throw blanket messily tossed over the lower half of her body and Louis uses one hand to pull it up a bit more over her body and uses the other to support Mae on his hip.

He feels at home.

Mae gets a scrambled egg on toast and he settles for tea and bread with jam. Right as he’s about to bring Harry up the same thing, the man comes down the stairs looking sleep tousled but beautiful with a sleepy smile on his face.

“Was wondering if you’d snuck out on me or not.” Harry says with a little wink and Louis’ face goes red as his body seems to recognize the memory before he does. He knows, now, that Harry is talking about the very first time they’d met when he thought they were just a one night stand and he’d attempted to sneak out and only managed to knock a shelf of Harry’s onto the floor into the process. It’s something he can laugh about now, years later, but it’s still rather embarrassing.

“I was actually going to bring you breakfast in bed, but since you’re rude, I’m going to eat it.” He says with a playful tone and Harry rolls his eyes, then takes a large bite of _his_ toast and Louis gasps.

“You monster! That was mine!” Then Harry just kisses him to shut him up, which feels slightly normal and comfortable, and he tastes like raspberries and minty toothpaste and happiness.

 

Mae opens all her gifts, one by one, and gets more and more excited as she opens each. Harry’s filming it, the entire thing, but he plans to only move the best moments to their discs of family movies later. She thanks them over and over again and the both of them give her a kiss on the cheek and hugs. Then she moves over to each of their mums and thanks them both before she settles in her seat of Grandma Anne’s lap. It’s cute.

Harry opens his next and Louis is so happy when he watches him open his gift. It’s the watch that Harry had been dropping subtle (totally not subtle) hints about wanting for the last few months, and his mouth does a fish like thing for a minute or two after he sees it, then he kisses him. It’s a good feeling.

Christmas is great, incredible even, and Louis feels in place. He feels wonderful surrounded by his family and he feels like this is where he was meant to be all along.

 

When dinner is done and the kids are down for a nap, Louis goes to Harry in the kitchen and wraps his arms around his waist.

“Hey, H?”

“Yeah?”

“I chose you.” He says softly and Harry’s dimples make an appearance with a wide smile.

“I chose you, too, baby.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading – and if you _really_ enjoyed this story and want to support your local fanfic author, you can [buy me a cup of coffee!](http://ko-fi.com/A237HRB%20)


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